How to annoy the Akatsuki
by Notperfectbut
Summary: Iya annoying the Akatsuki. What happens if she goes as far as swapping Deidara's clay with play dough? What will happen if she cuts papers into pieces, throw them on the floor then start screaming that Konan's dead? Will Hidan like the nickname 'skeleton? Will Kakuzu bear having Iya shouting random numbers beside him while he is counting his money? READ!
1. Chapter 1

I walked to the living room and saw Deidara sitting on the couch.

"Hey girl, outta the way!"

"What, un? I'n not a girl, un! Imma boy, yeah!"

"What's with your speech impediment?"

"Nothing, un!"

"Really, un?"

"Hey, stop acting like me, un!"

"There! You said it again!"

"Shut up, yeah."

"Nah... Why, yeah?"

"Shut up or I'll kill you!"

"Wow! I'm sooo afraid, and by the way: Hey! You forgot the 'un'!"

"Hmph!"

"Deidara?"

I sat down on the couch beside him.

"What, hm?"

"You know Sasori...Danna..." *Mischief grin*

"What about it, yeah?"

"Do you really mean 'danna'?"

"What do you mean, un?"

"Do you mean 'danna' like in master or... Like.. You know." ( 'danna' also means husband in Japanese).

"What the fuck, yeah?"

"You know what I mean."

I slowly moved so my mouth was mere inches away from his ear, then whispered:

"Do you ... Love him?"

A really big grin formed on my face,and I could hold it back. That face of Deidara was priceless!

"No! Noo. I'm not gay,un!"

"Eh, Dei, it's said that first step to love is denying, you know?"

"What the hell do you mean, yeah?"

His face was all red of anger.

"And second step is anger... You're close."

"Shut the hell up, yeah! I'm not in love with danna!"

He threw one the explosive clay bombs at me. And guess what? I dodged it!

"But you just proved yourself wrong! Danna means husband, you know."

Just after I said it, I made my run, cause I knew that I had gone OVER the line of his. Hehe.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!"

He yelled at me and threw random bombs at me while running.

"Well, Blondie, you know your art sucks, dontcha?"

He looked like a volcano that was soon going to erupt.

"Art is bang, yeah!"

I ran through all the corridors, and clang to my life. I really didn't want to die under one of those sucking art of Deidara...

"Art is... EVERLASTING!" I said with a grin, knowing Sasori used to say so.

Deidara made some movements with his hands, and when I released it, it was way too late:

"Katsu!"

I was banged straight into the hard floor, making it crack. Behind me came Deidara, slowly reaching me.

"Suppose you shouldn't be getting closer, cause you're a long distance fighter...UN!" I giggled.

He sat upon me and held around my neck, making me cough. I ...could not... Bre...athe.. Then a thought strikes my mind, making me grin like a mad professor.

"What are you smiling at, hm?!"

".You..."

He looked confused. I collected all my strength and closed my eyes. When I opened them again, I yelled at the top of my lungs:

"RAAAAAPE! DEIDARA'S RAPING ME! UEEEEE! HELP! DEIDARA'S RAPING!"

As soon as I yelled that, all the Akatsuki members appeared around us, watching Deidara on top of me. Eheh...

Sasori smirked, Itachi looked bored, as always. Pain stared, or glared should I say, and Hidan grinned showing all his teeth with Kisame. Zetsu appeared from the ground, looking at the scene wide-eyed. Both the white and the dark. Konan smiled one of 'those smiles'. Tobi jumped up and down repeatedly saing: "Deidara-Sempei's in love with YukI!"

Maybe I was a little evil by doing that, but hey! It worked! He imidetly stopped chocking me, and instead, was all tomato-red. I giggled full of pure evil.

"Told you to NEVER mess with me, didn't I, hm?" I whispered in his ears, with one of those tones that sounds sweet, but at the same time really creepy.


	2. Chapter 2

Wow! I've got comments! ^_^

**THANK YOU! 3**

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Waking up by clicking sounds... Lazily opening one eye I saw Sasori working on his puppets. -.-

"Can't you PLEASE stop that noise?!"

In return, he replied a simple answer, "No."

I groaned and rolled over to my other side. Trying to fall back into sleep didn't really look succeeded, because of this beautiful melody from the puppeteer (noting my sarcasm?). After about half and hour trying to sleep, I finally decided to get up. Under these unbearable noises, it was impossible to sleep.

After breakfast, I felt like a walking dead. Seriously, the read headed was ruining my beauty sleep, and he was getting back for it!

Slowly heading back to the room we shared I tried figuring out something. Nothing came into my head. He was just too emotionless and boring. What could I do? Argue with him that art was a bang? No, then I would be like Deidara...

Just as I was walking to my bed something on Sasori's shelf caught my eyes. A bottle. Poison! That's the answer!

With a evil grin I started planning my hilarious revenge.

Some hours later I thought I was finished. All I needed to do now was to make Sasori look very guilty, but how?

Thinking and thinking till my head almost popped didn't help at all.

After some time of watching TV and sitting in the living room the revenge was planned after I got to hear Hidan calling Sasori read-head.

I went back to the room and saw Sasori working on his puppets. Therefore I decided to ask him directly, stealing won't be a very good option...

"Can I borrow a senbon?"

He looked at me, confused.

Rolling my eyes I walked to his drawers and opened the first one to see lots of them. I took one and happily skipped away.

After using my paint, the senbon was slightly purple at the tip, reminding people of poison. I smirked.

! Kisame's POV !

I was sitting in the living room, on the couch watching some random stuff with most of the other members when a loud, glass cracking scream was heard from the direction of the rooms.

I stormed in the direction with several other to see Iya laying there on the ground in the hall slightly purple in her face and her lips really white like she was going to die, where her and Sasori's room was. Sasori stood in the doorway slightly shocked.

"You didn't think you could get discovered, eh?" Iya said very weakly.

Sasori furrowed his eyebrows.

Then the realization hit me when I saw the senbon beside Iya, with some poison on the tip.

"How could you, un!" Deidara shouted before I could.

"Why did you do that?!" I shouted furious.

"She was a fucking bitch, but you didn't have to fucking kill her!" Hidan stated.

Iya was now lying very still on the ground, eyes closed.

"She owed me twenty bucks..." Kakuzu muttered. "And now I am never getting them back."

... I got flashbacks of Iya making sushi. Delicious. And when she laughed and while swimming in the lake that summer.. And ...

I flinched as Iya jumped up screaming "AAAAAAHHH!"

Deidara even had a bigger reaction, screaming like a girl.

"Hehe! Scared you guys didn't I?" She said while laughing.

"What the hell?!" Was the response she got from Hidan.

"Really thought I got killed by Mister Pinocchio didn't you?"

So it was all fake...

"We were really scared for you, un!"

She laughed even more.

Knowing she was in no danger, people went back to what they were doing after sending her a glare.

* * *

I know... Boring?

The next chapter will be better ;)

Anywayz,

Fan, comment, vote!


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you for commenting and all! 3

Without them I could have stopped this story XC

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Chapter 3

Iya's POV

Akatsuki time, we played truth or dare.

It was all fun with random questions. That big-mouthed Hidan even went as far as asking if Deidara loved Sasori or already was making out with him.

Later on everybody went to their room, and I of course went showering. I haven't showered for a while.

First I remembered to take with me all my clothes, then walked into the bathroom that Deidara and I shared and remembered to lock the door. Of course I changed room after that little action with Sasori...

Putting my clothes on the side, I began stripping. I went into the shower and turned it on, warm water rolling down my hair and body.

After I finished, I climbed out of the bath tub and guess what! It's really wonderful to find out now that there were no towels. Hilarious!

I went to the door and asked Deidara:

"Deidara, have you gotten a towel?"

...

No answer.

"Deidara?! Are you there?"

...

Still no answer.

I rolled my eyes and carefully, slowly locking up the door and opening it a little...and a little more... Until.

'BAM!'

The door was pulled open by no other person than Deidara. There outside stood the other members. I quickly covered my most important parts.

Hidan eyed me up and down, Kisame grinned widely, even Itachi was there! Deidara stood there like an idiot getting money from the members for doing that, even Kakuzu paid!

I got really angry, but couldn't do a thing. I mean, without a towel, what should I do? I quickly backed into the bathroom and closed the door, locking.

That bastard! Just wait!

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Revenge.. The smell of sweet revenge coming in the next chapter XD

What will Iya do? CX


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Just the beginning

Iya sat in the living room thinking really hard. How was she going to get her sweet revenge on that crazy, idiotic bomber? A hard one... Then, she suddenly remembered a detail.

She walked to her/Deidara's room and straight to the toilet. There, she opened the cabin... A smirk crossed her face.

Later on she was going to make pie. The dough was so soft and so firm at the same time. She rolled it out, then rolled it again and again. The colour of the dough was white, so amazingly white with no other colours blended in it. So clean.

It looked like clay.

Iya couldn't help but laugh at the thought. That would be amazing if she could, it would be fantastic. Such a good thing. Already, she could see Deidara's expression in her head. She was soooo going to get her revenge, a really good one.

*Timeskip to next morning*

~Deidara's POV~

I woke up feeling tired, so I turned around trying to sleep. That didn't work, therefore at the end, I had to get up.

I walked into the bathroom, did my morning routine. When I was finished, I went to the bathroom door and locked it after scanning the room.

Strange. Iya was nowhere to see. She wasn't in the room, and being up at these hours wasn't really her style.

I walked over to the cabin and opened it. Then blinked. And again. Then panicked.

Where was my EYELINER? It was gone! How could it be... I never took it out of that cabin. What the hell?! How? How?

Then everything made sense. Iya. That girl. That bitch! She stole MY eyeliner. I became nervous, the whole Akatsuki, no one knew that I had an eyeliner. No one. Then how did Iya know? She must have looked.

I knew it! She couldn't be up at five o'clock without a really good reason! That was what she was planning?

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And this is just the beginning~

Do not forget to

**COMMENT, FAN and VOTE!**

_~NPB_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Third POV

Iya smirked as she went out from the closet and straight to Deidara's clothes as Deidara was at the toilet, still looking for his eyeliner. Perfect.

She hurried to the living room and plopped down on the couch and soon an angry little Barbie doll came and shouted:

"IYA!"

"What? And oh my goodness, you've forgotten that speech impediment!" She did a over dramatic gasp. And then giggled.

"WhERE DId YOU PUT MY EYELINER?!"

"Hm..." Iya acted as if she was thinking, tapping her finger to her cheek. "I don't remember." She answered easily at the end.

'Making Deidara Mad, ChECK!'

"WHERE THE HELL IS MY EYELINER, UN?"

Iya laughed hysterically.

"That... Speech Impediment... it's .. Back" she said while laughing so hard that she could not speak.

Then she stopped and took a deep breath before talking again as a boiling red Deidara was in front of her.

"Hey Blondie, if you really are this angry, why don't we have a spare?" Iya smiled as she said this, onto the main task.

"HELL I AM GOING TO BLOW YOU UP!" He shouted.

"You know the rules Deidara, no bombing here." Iya said while rolling her eyes. She would have loved it if he was bombing here. Who would know what Kakuzu would say?

They went to outside. The whole Akatsuki was gathered, watching the mad Deidara almost steam coming from his ears and nose. Kisame grinned widely, showing his sharp teeth, Hidan had this sly smile, enjoying this show.

Konan and Pain, as usual, watched to see the abilities of the two members. Zetsu just got up from the ground, one part asking the other part about our abilities and who would win. Itachi just stood there, Sharingan activated. Tobi jumped up and down cheering. Sasori stood there looking bored.

Kakuzu was going around making people bet on who would win. What made me angry was the truth that most people bet on Deidara! Really? Then, this will be unbelievable fun!

I just stood there while Deidara got into fighting stance, his hands soon starting to mold the 'clay'. He looked at me with suspicion, maybe wondering what I was doing by just standing there, grinning widely doing nothing.

He threw the sculpture he made and yelled "Katsu!". The sculpture came flying attempting to hit my face, but I went a tiny step to the right. It hit the wall. No explosion. Most of the members furrowed their eyebrows in wonder, thinking of possible ways why the bomb didn't blow off.

"Deidei! Found something strange?" I asked.

Deidara had this unbelievable face, looking at his hands and then the wall where the sculpture was. Then at his hands.

"What the hell, un?!" He shouted.

"Looks like its long time since you've tasted the taste of dough, Dei-chan!" I teased.

His eyes widened at the realization. Yes, what he had in the pouches weren't clay. That was dough! Haha, he will have to brush those mouth on his hands after this! I'd love to see that!

Hidan laughed. "I told you that fucking girl would win, old fucker!"

Deidara soon fumed. He grabbed the closest weapon, which happened to be Samehada, and chased at me while I ran out of the room, through the Akatsuki hideout. Totally worth it, even this chasing, seeing his face like this!

*Snap!*

"HEY!" He yelled.

"Hello!" I smiled, while running. A picture of this cute memory! How sweet.


	6. Chapter 6

**Unfortunaly,**

**My inspiration has run dry and I am not sure about what more to write :/ Well, guess I'll find something funny as I read more! ^_^ **

**Keep on commenting! Fan and vote!**

**~NPB**

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Chapter 6

-Iya's POV-

It was boring now that the blonde and puppet gone. What more to do? I decided to go to that collection the puppet had.

I went through the drawers and found a lot of different weapons, sealed. Since I didn't know which one was the puppets, I opened all of them. That's what I do.

Finally a puppet with kind of blue skin and a strange clothes appeared after I opened the roll with the kanji three on it. It really was ugly. I couldn't help but smile.

"Puppet, you're going to get a total change!"

I went to get some stuff, to be more detailed I had one eyeliner, a lipstick, some blush, foundation, hairspray, some eyeshadow and nail polish. He was going to get prettier~

First I added the foundation, then I applied the totally red lipstick, giving the puppet some blush and then coloured the nails red. After that I put on some eyeliner, actually too much, trying to make him look like Lady Gaga.

Therefore, I just had to make his hair all wild, but it still didn't seem right. Something looks not right.

'PLING!'

I need to go to the shop!

"Do you have a even brighter colour?"

"No, sorry, this is the brightest."

"Okay!"

I opened the cap and mixed the cream with the liquid, shaking really hard for a good effect. Then I applied it, little by little, in different sections into the hair of that puppet. It needs to be blonde! I brought a really light blond colour, so light that it was almost white. What a cute colour!

After I finished, the puppet looked perfect. The only thing now was that it needed some clothes, but I really do not think I want to change it, so it'll have to be.

"Look at you, you little puppet," I talked to the puppet, actually. And about 'little puppet', it was way much taller than me.

"What the fucking hell?!" Someone suddenly yelled from the living room, obviously Hidan.

And I smirked.


	7. Chapter 7

**First of all a big thanks to u guys!**

**SheWolfByakugan**

**For really supporting and commenting! 3 Also, thank u! I got some inspiration XD**

**itkatlovesmakara **

**For commenting! ^_^**

**Really, thank u guys!**

**I am recently having a writing marathon, and I just finished the marathon on my other story, so now I am going to do this story.**

**I decided to do this marathon because I have about ten stories and I can't write ten new chapters everytime I want to update something. **

**Therefore, I'll spend the rest of my time (about a day or two) writing on this story! I will make some prewritten chapters so that I do not need to worry, then go onto the next story! ;)**

**If you hate the slow updates maybe you want to read another of my stories? I've got tons of Akatsuki stories! 3**

**Also, if you like funny things, u can read 'Random Akatsuki Dialogues'! **

**(Heheh, hope a little comercial won't kill? :/)**

**~NPB**

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Chapter 7

Money

-Iya's POV-

I went downstairs while giggling, thinking of what might have happened to that bloody vampire-wannabe Jashinist.

"What the fucking hell were you doing?!" He asked.

I for once furrowed my brows, wondering what he was talking about.

"What the hell is wrong with you freaking skeleton?" I asked, since Hidan was black and white.

"What the hell did you do to my blood, BITCH?!"He asked, looking really angry.

I looked at the mug of red liquid in his hand, then froze... If that wasn't blood, then...

I walked into the kitchen, lazily walking over to the fridge. Itachi came in.

"Hey, Vampy," I greeted. I was calling him Vampy because of his great attitude towards everything. He just was so amazed by everything, not.

"Hn," He replied. Okay, let us see. After my handbook of how-to-understand-the-impossible-Itachi-Uchiha's-H n's-guidebook I thought that was a 'Hello'. I just had to roll my eyes.

I looked inside the fridge, scanning through it to see tons of sake, and nothing much more. Some sushi, random ribs, actually some pudding and other strange stuff. Sighing I took out the mug of tomato juice.

I bought it after stealing some money from the drawer, which I can tell you straight ahead that it was no easy job. Eventhough Kakuzu was on a mission, he had an unbelievable security for the money.

In his room there was these four cameras, and this door that automatically turned on the alarm if you didn't open it right and just bombed it, or pushed it open as normal people do. Can't blame them, Akatsuki aren't normal, unluckily.

I looked at those different codes, then remembered how Kakuzu did them. Yes, I have watched him over two months just to get this freaking code. And I really had to facepalm when I got it. What did I expect a super s-ranked criminal from Akatsuki to have as a code?

'I love MONEY'

With actually capital letters on the word 'Money'. Dear god, he must be married to them some day, really.

I sighed as I entered the code, which didn't open the door because it always was open, but the code prevented me from being shot by a laser straight through when I open the door. How I know? Hidan did so.

When I was inside, I went over to the vase he had on top of the book shelf, which was very high. I had to jump, but got up. Then I brought the little twenty-cent from the vase, putting the rest back.

I went over to the shelf and found the little box, putting the twenty-cent in to open it. There lay the key. Then I went to the door I came from, and put the key in and locked the door. All the security alarms and the ten kunais, not to mention all those shirukens and some of the senbons were secured, so that they could not attack me.

I sighed again. Why did that money-lover have these security things, I mean, they cost a lot, don't they? Then I remembered, he didn't buy them. He just went to the shop and took them, of course. Akatsuki, hello?

I knocked the third grid on the door, and then opened it to see that there was a small piece of paper with a code. 'Money is dear. Money is lovely. Money is important. Money is life. Money is...' And like this is continued all the way through this scroll.

I really do not understand how he can stand all this when he is going to get the money. He must really not have anything else to do.

I went over to the third drawer of the big wardrobe, avoiding the invisible line, shooting the senbon, as I opened the drawer. I wrote in all those letters on that scroll I got, transferring the letters into numbers. After that I finally got the little stone.

I took the stone and pushed it inside the big, metal, undestroyable safe, where it fit perfectly. Then I used some of Kakuzu's chakra (yes, I actually managed to get some after a visit *cough* Sasori *cough*). The stone glowed and the safe opened.

And my jaw hit the floor.


	8. Chapter 8

Wow! ^_^

Really gotta thank SheWolfByakugan! Ur amazing! TT_TT

And here it comes... CX

~NPB

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Chapter 8

Ewwwww!

-Iya's POV-

What the freaking heck?! That zombie had this tons of money? And he was still like that? What the heck? There were like at least twenty gold-bricks?! And the money, look at them, all in bunches. Really? I took the closest bunch and put it in my pocket, it barely fitted.

Then I went out, of course after putting all the things back and recovering everything I've changed, not to mention the tiny paper-bit that was set between the door and doorframe, so that it'll fall if someone open the door. Then I closed the door and happily skipped down to the living room to see Kisame sitting on the couch looking at some boring fish program on the television. I sighed.

"Hey Kiddo, what's that?" He asked while pointing one finger at my pocket. My heart skipped a beat, he wasn't supposed to see that. Godness.

"Nothing,"I answered, and he could tell that I was lying.

"What is it?" He asked again, standing up and walking towards me. I thought of something to say to stop him, but couldn't think of anything. Then I came up with this idiotic idea.

"It's shark fin,"I said quickly, making him more suspicious. He furrowed his brows and reached his hand to my pocket. I quickly slapped his hand away from my pocket. Then he suddenly got it with his clone behind me while I was looking at him standing in front of me.

He gasped. Then grinned.

"Woah, Kid! How did you get this much money?"He asked. I rolled my eyes, seems like I had to tell him.

After all I said he turned more serious about this bunch money. Then he suddenly grinned. And then I frowned. No, no, no.

"Give me half of that, kid, and your secrets' safe with me," he said.

Or else? He will tell Kakuzu. No way he was going to tell Stiches, he would go all mad, I am totally sure. Can I be more unlucky? Yes, because Deidara stumbled over this and heard it all. He eavesdropped. You wouldn't believe it, but Tobi actually came bouncing in, knowing everything. GREAT. I am screwed. That was why I only had a few bucks left after this all.

I went to the shop, going straight to the target, Tomato Juice! I just absolutely loved it, it taste amazing, it smell good, it looked cool. The red liquid. I loved it, the taste, so fresh and cold, slipping down the throat. Cooling it all down. It's amazing.

Later that day, I opened the juice and poured it all in a mug. It was so hilarious, I loved everything with tomatojuice. Even though I do not really like tomato, I really love the juice. It was not too sweet, but not too sour either. Just perfect, and thick.

I had this feeling of vomit from my stomach and got really dizzy remembering this morning. When I once again poured some of this red liquid into my cup and sipped it, thinking it tasted different. It tasted like metal, and kind of more soft. Now as I remember I just was really disgusted.


	9. STORY FINISHED!

I'VE FINISHED MY FIRST STORY!

I know, I should never have written a NEW STORY before finishing the old ones, but I couldn't help. Our internet was out for two loooooooooooong weeks, so I finally got some time to be a real author and write!

You do not need to know anything about who Deidara is or what Naruto is, all you need to know is that Deidara is a fake character from the anime serie Naruto.

STORY NAME: WHEN I WAS SEVEN | Deidara Fanfiction

PLEASE READ! ^^


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